Small penises have feelings too.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
