I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
40s are totally the cure
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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