your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING THE BAGELS
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize