Michael Bay diarrhea
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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