In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
