I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
