i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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