If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
should my penis look like a turkey
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
