Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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