its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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