oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
