I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
