she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Your cock deserves a montage
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
