Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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