In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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