Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize