He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
