I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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