Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
