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News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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