I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
