he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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