That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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