How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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