my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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