i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
