Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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