We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
