i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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