Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
