we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
