She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
