he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
