Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
