I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
