recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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