So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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