You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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