Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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