RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize