so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I love you. Go after that dick
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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