She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
