if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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