you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
