I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
