I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
