like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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