i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
