I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
