I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
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God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
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we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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