I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
