he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
