i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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