My boss' voice literally gives me gas
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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