I have demons in me.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
