we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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