we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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