She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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