i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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