i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
