He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
