don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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