I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
